This is part five of the Fantasy Phineball series from Feeling Phine. If you’re new here, welcome! This is the part of my biweekly newsletter in which I recap Fantasy Football / my education in the great American pastime. This is also a space in which my A.D.D. takes over and I sometimes go completely off-piste (see tangent below).
The last post in this series can be found here, and the Introduction is here. x
Here we are! Week Five! I’m afraid I come bearing bad news… again. Yep, that’s right. Another loss this week. Team Phine is on a three week L streak. Tears stream, down my face… Chris Martin, please send help.
The only solace I’ve found in my defeat is that the Fantasy app didn’t abuse my sorrow to sell me a candy bar. The past two times I lost, the app looked like this:
This week they had the decency to act more muted as they announced my loss:
Likely, their contract with Snickers just ran out. But you can bet your booty I still tucked into some chocolate to heal the pain.
In all honesty, I don’t even have any colorful recap commentary to provide! None of my team members were in Thursday or Monday night’s games - all the boys were playing on Sunday. I should have been glued to the screen, supporting my guys, but I had other Very Important Plans including:
catching up with a friend over a bowl of pho
watching No Time To Die with my mom
I did get to tune in for Monday night’s very exciting game: Indianapolis Colts vs the Baltimore Ravens. This is the first game I’ve ever watched that has gone into… overtime!
It was both enthralling and painful to watch the overtime portion. My friend Max, who I watched with, was depending on the Colts’ success to win his Fantasy matchup. Alas, the Ravens made a comeback and stole the show. We found comfort in the delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookies made by my friend, legendary Editor and star baker, Kelly. *Note to self: if my friends or I lose again next week I promise to do ten pushups prior to drowning my pain in sugar.*
Here at Feeling Phine headquarters (my couch), we (my cats and I) acknowledge our low moments, but we also don’t let the bad stuff keep us down. Did football disappoint me this week? Maybe. But you know who didn’t let me down? Who NEVER lets me down?
Bond. James Bond.
I cannot stop thinking about No Time to Die.
I won’t discuss the film in detail as I’m conscious of spoilers. However, the fact that the Craig era has now come to an end is common knowledge, so I will simply admit that I’m ALL caught up in my feels now that it’s over.
To celebrate the end of this James Bond era, I’ve compiled a definitive list of the Top Ten Most Iconique Bond Moments That Have Happened In My Lifetime (1992 - Now).
This list includes Pierce Brosnan’s iteration of Bond. I obviously love me some D Craig - he’s been Bond for most of my teenage years and entire adult life. But Brosnan’s Bond is the first one I knew as a young lass, thus he holds a special place in my heart. You never forget the first hairy-chested man you saw who made you feel some kind of way!!! Also notable is that Brosnan Bond brought the camp vibes which, to me, are of utmost importance.
Anyway, grab a martini (shaken, not stirred) and let’s hop into:
THE Top Ten Most Iconique Bond Moments That Have Happened In My Lifetime (1992 - Now)
10. The existence of Christmas Jones, your everyday nuclear physicist, as embodied by Denise Richards. The best part was when they inevitably hook up at the end of the movie and Bond says, “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.” (The World Is Not Enough / 1999)
9. Opening sequence to Skyfall in which Bond fights someone on top of a moving train. As the fight escalates, Moneypenny accidentally shoots Bond instead of his adversary, sending him flying into the river below. (2012)
8. Le Chiffre looking menacing and sexy as he wiped away blood tears during an epic poker game. (Casino Royale / 2006)
7. Ana de Armas’ character Paloma, kicking ass in a backless, silky dress. (No Time To Die / 2021)
6. The bleached blonde wig Javier Bardem donned in order to portray the villainous Silva. Did he wear the wig, or did the wig wear him? The jury’s still out... (Skyfall / 2012)
5. Halle Berry’s character, Jinx, emerging from the ocean in her orange bikini. Runner-up Jinx moment: Bond removing a diamond from her perfect belly button. (Die Another Day / 2002)
4. Vesper, played by Eva Green, stealing the scene in her introduction to Bond. I loved Vesper. She had such charisma and intelligence. (Casino Royale / 2006)
3. Michelle Yeoh’s character, Wai Lin, straddling Bond on a motorbike during a chase scene through the busy streets of Saigon. The chase ultimately ends with Lin and Bond blowing up a helicopter… while handcuffed to one another… and still entangled on the bike. 90s Bond writers said GRAVITY WHO?? (Tomorrow Never Dies / 1997)
2. The underrated early 2000s bop that is the Die Another Day theme song. Autotune at its absolute finest!! I love this song with no irony and full nostalgia. Turn. it. up.
FINALLY, we end with:
1. Bond & Vesper’s shower scene. I’m obviously a sucker for this kind of thing. A tender moment depicting Bond lovingly kissing his crying lover’s fingers?! 11/10 would watch again, and again. (Casino Royale)
Once I manage to peel my eyes away from the millions of Bond videos now being suggested to me by YouTube, I’ll start working on improving my lineup for next week’s matchup.
**Joséphine will be back in next week’s newsletter, potentially titled: Team Phine is the Royale Winner of Not Enough Wins**
Thanks for reading!
x Joséphine
the Snickers made me laugh! thank you for the pho time ☺️
Q has several memorable (though not iconic) moments during the Craig era too!